Ace Weekly

Here are a few observations about Lexington, a town that has become a haven for transplanted liberal carpetbagging developers, as if we didn't have enough already. I'll make this easy. That's a big tree indeed blocking the view of the forest.

When I heard that one of our mayoral candidates was behind on her child support, I wasn't too shocked. It wasn't just a little bit either. Now my Uncle Bubba, he was $432.00 behind on his, owed to a crack whore who left his little boy at bus stops while she chased the monkey. One day he was at work and two cops showed up and took him away in handcuffs.

It seems "business" was slow, and his ex-one night stand needed a couple rocks to make it through the weekend. Having used up all her resources, she called on the Sheriff's Dept. to score her a little seed money. It worked too.

Uncle Bubba paid her $432.00; she got the rock she needed; and Fayette County made a little money to pay for the proposed destruction of the John Hunt-Morgan statue (if the History Police get their way).

Everyone was happy but Bubba, who lost his job, and his little boy, who got traded for a 40 dollar sack and a pack of Newports two days later.

Elections

Guess what? They're partisan. Shut up and let the two parties buy some small elections, already. Didn't you know they have been doing it all along?

It's a Kentucky tradition, dating even further back than its flirtation with commitment during The War Between The States.

Note to Teresa Isaac: Democratic party headquarters isn't the only place that has copiers. Kinko's is open 24/7. If you tell them you're running for mayor, they'll probably let you slide.

Note to Scott Crosbie: you should wipe that grin off your face. All the leftover Republican money goes to an island in the Caribbean populated by wealthy former Florida election workers. On the bright side, the attorneys handling the lawsuit for Ron Berry's victims said they have a package you need to pick up at their office. They said 'bring a big satchel,' whatever that means.

Gatewood: the one time there's a vacuum in an election, you were probably out on Richmond Road holding a sign proclaiming 'Will be Senator for food.'

And Alan Stein: I would have physically accosted people on the streets to get them to vote for you when I heard you might run. You could galvanize Lexington. You'd probably start an ice cube plant and begin exporting to Alaska, making us all rich. I was gung-ho all the way up to the point where you started delaying announcements and conducting polls and surveys. That made you seem like every other politician, which you are not. Next time go with your gut, and leave the rest to your supporters. We'll get you elected.

Education

C'mon, man. Give the North Side a new school. Hey, at least they aren't asking for new playground equipment for their parks. Have you seen that stuff? It looks as if it was bought at a fire sale of recalled products.

If the EPA ever saw it, they'd probably have to come remove it for whatever toxins might be in it. Just looking at all those protruding bolts and nuts brings back horrible memories of blood and pain from my childhood.

I bet kids from the North Side have more scars per square inch than their counterparts in the South Side.

They should make the next council member who falls asleep in session conduct that study. It would be cheaper than hiring some Yankee to tell us what we're doing wrong-something our city loves to do.

Downtown

You killed it already, let it rest in peace. It died of Festival Market Syndrome, complicated by UK Basketball Museumitis, both otherwise known as throwing good money after bad. All you can do with it now is cordon it off and make anyone who works for the urban-county actually live there.

This will accomplish two things:

First, it will put these people physically in their own world, not just mentally.

Second, it won't look like a ghost town after 6:30 pm.

Take out the Trash

Anyone who willingly picks up what I have seen put in Herbie deserves a fat check and all the beer they can drink, and then the best rehab their insurance can buy.

I have looked at the stuff that drips from Herbie and I want no part of it. And the guy who represented the sanitation workers in their fight for a piece of the pie should run for city council.

Traffic

This is a biggie, but there is one thing that would help right off.

Ready?

This might be hard to get at first, but keep trying, it's important.

BUILD A ROAD BEFORE YOU BUILD A MEGASTORE OR SUBDIVISION.

We're paying the person who looked at that plan, scratched their chin and said 'Yeah, that looks good. Do it!'?

Unbelievable.

Also, take away the driver's license of anyone who gets caught twice driving under the speed limit in the left lane, also known as: The People With No Place To Go. May you ride for slack-jawed eternity in the left lane of hell at 20 mph. What about that guy who supposedly rides around timing and altering the traffic signals? Is he following me? A four minute wait at 2:30 am? I'm beginning to get a little paranoid.

Kentucky American

Let the Germans have it. They treasure land, having had a lot of theirs taken away and given back over the centuries, and are less likely to sell Jacobson Park to developers, which is sure to happen if the city gets a hold of it.

Then the people who buy houses on land stolen by the city will complain that the people in the park are masturbating too loudly.

Since the masturbators were there first, the city will have to pay to put up a buffer zone.

This city has wasted a lot of OUR money and time on a non-issue, and they're still spending. Who really cares about this except the people who stand to make money no matter which way it goes?

Leave it alone.

As long as nothing solid comes out of my faucet, I am good to go.

Ron Berry

Ron Berry, out on appeal. Three years in The Big House. This guy will be the reason Pedophile Digest lists Lexington as a top 10 city to live in. Even if he served every day, which he won't, that works out to about 91 days for each count, and that's just the ones he was convicted of. That's a sweet deal if you're a child molester. Pedophiles will flock to Lexington for the light sentencing and the new houses next to Jacobson Park. Hey, wait a minute. Then we won't need a buffer zone.

Growth

One word. Lexingvilleburgtownailles. Try writing that on your envelope. It isn't too far away. A sprawling megacity full of Applebees, Wal-Marts, and Meijers, adorned with statues of painted horses (the real ones will be gone)-centered around the new Fayette County Courthouses, monuments to the LFUCG's grandiose perception of itself.

It's a world in which the SUV and the Democrat rule, (for nowthanks a lot Gov. Patton) and the History Police could spend $134,765 on a study to determine if it is more cost effective to alter our past by removing John Hunt-Morgan from Blueballs, his trusty steed, or just level Cheapside and the courthouse area around it and say a slave auction never happened there.

Either way, it would continue Kentucky's proud fence straddling legacy.

COVERSTORY A Modest Proposal Rant from an angry citizen By Stephen Gearon Here are a few observations about Lexington, a town that has become a haven for transplanted liberal carpetbagging developers, as if we didn't have enough already. I'll make this easy. That's a big tree indeed blocking the view of the forest. When I heard that one of our mayoral candidates was behind on her child support, I wasn't too shocked. It wasn't just a little bit either. Now my Uncle Bubba, he was $432.00 behind on his, owed to a crack whore who left his little boy at bus stops while she chased the monkey. One day he was at work and two cops showed up and took him away in handcuffs. It seems "business" was slow, and his ex-one night stand needed a couple rocks to make it through the weekend. Having used up all her resources, she called on the Sheriff's Dept. to score her a little seed money. It worked too. Uncle Bubba paid her $432.00; she got the rock she needed; and Fayette County made a little money to pay for the proposed destruction of the John Hunt-Morgan statue (if the History Police get their way). Everyone was happy but Bubba, who lost his job, and his little boy, who got traded for a 40 dollar sack and a pack of Newports two days later. Elections Guess what? They're partisan. Shut up and let the two parties buy some small elections, already. Didn't you know they have been doing it all along? It's a Kentucky tradition, dating even further back than its flirtation with commitment during The War Between The States. Note to Teresa Isaac: Democratic party headquarters isn't the only place that has copiers. Kinko's is open 24/7. If you tell them you're running for mayor, they'll probably let you slide. Note to Scott Crosbie: you should wipe that grin off your face. All the leftover Republican money goes to an island in the Caribbean populated by wealthy former Florida election workers. On the bright side, the attorneys handling the lawsuit for Ron Berry's victims said they have a package you need to pick up at their office. They said 'bring a big satchel,' whatever that means. Gatewood: the one time there's a vacuum in an election, you were probably out on Richmond Road holding a sign proclaiming 'Will be Senator for food.' And Alan Stein: I would have physically accosted people on the streets to get them to vote for you when I heard you might run. You could galvanize Lexington. You'd probably start an ice cube plant and begin exporting to Alaska, making us all rich. I was gung-ho all the way up to the point where you started delaying announcements and conducting polls and surveys. That made you seem like every other politician, which you are not. Next time go with your gut, and leave the rest to your supporters. We'll get you elected. Education C'mon, man. Give the North Side a new school. Hey, at least they aren't asking for new playground equipment for their parks. Have you seen that stuff? It looks as if it was bought at a fire sale of recalled products. If the EPA ever saw it, they'd probably have to come remove it for whatever toxins might be in it. Just looking at all those protruding bolts and nuts brings back horrible memories of blood and pain from my childhood. I bet kids from the North Side have more scars per square inch than their counterparts in the South Side. They should make the next council member who falls asleep in session conduct that study. It would be cheaper than hiring some Yankee to tell us what we're doing wrong-something our city loves to do. Downtown You killed it already, let it rest in peace. It died of Festival Market Syndrome, complicated by UK Basketball Museumitis, both otherwise known as throwing good money after bad. All you can do with it now is cordon it off and make anyone who works for the urban-county actually live there. This will accomplish two things: First, it will put these people physically in their own world, not just mentally. Second, it won't look like a ghost town after 6:30 pm. Take out the Trash Anyone who willingly picks up what I have seen put in Herbie deserves a fat check and all the beer they can drink, and then the best rehab their insurance can buy. I have looked at the stuff that drips from Herbie and I want no part of it. And the guy who represented the sanitation workers in their fight for a piece of the pie should run for city council. Traffic This is a biggie, but there is one thing that would help right off. Ready? This might be hard to get at first, but keep trying, it's important. BUILD A ROAD BEFORE YOU BUILD A MEGASTORE OR SUBDIVISION. We're paying the person who looked at that plan, scratched their chin and said 'Yeah, that looks good. Do it!'? Unbelievable. Also, take away the driver's license of anyone who gets caught twice driving under the speed limit in the left lane, also known as: The People With No Place To Go. May you ride for slack-jawed eternity in the left lane of hell at 20 mph. What about that guy who supposedly rides around timing and altering the traffic signals? Is he following me? A four minute wait at 2:30 am? I'm beginning to get a little paranoid. Kentucky American Let the Germans have it. They treasure land, having had a lot of theirs taken away and given back over the centuries, and are less likely to sell Jacobson Park to developers, which is sure to happen if the city gets a hold of it. Then the people who buy houses on land stolen by the city will complain that the people in the park are masturbating too loudly. Since the masturbators were there first, the city will have to pay to put up a buffer zone. This city has wasted a lot of OUR money and time on a non-issue, and they're still spending. Who really cares about this except the people who stand to make money no matter which way it goes? Leave it alone. As long as nothing solid comes out of my faucet, I am good to go. Ron Berry Ron Berry, out on appeal. Three years in The Big House. This guy will be the reason Pedophile Digest lists Lexington as a top 10 city to live in. Even if he served every day, which he won't, that works out to about 91 days for each count, and that's just the ones he was convicted of. That's a sweet deal if you're a child molester. Pedophiles will flock to Lexington for the light sentencing and the new houses next to Jacobson Park. Hey, wait a minute. Then we won't need a buffer zone. Growth One word. Lexingvilleburgtownailles. Try writing that on your envelope. It isn't too far away. A sprawling megacity full of Applebees, Wal-Marts, and Meijers, adorned with statues of painted horses (the real ones will be gone)-centered around the new Fayette County Courthouses, monuments to the LFUCG's grandiose perception of itself. It's a world in which the SUV and the Democrat rule, (for nowthanks a lot Gov. Patton) and the History Police could spend $134,765 on a study to determine if it is more cost effective to alter our past by removing John Hunt-Morgan from Blueballs, his trusty steed, or just level Cheapside and the courthouse area around it and say a slave auction never happened there. Either way, it would continue Kentucky's proud fence straddling legacy.
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