Kentucky Football Preseason Quiz

As the fall football season looms, it's time once again to play "How well do you know your Wildcats (and the opinions of this writer)?" Take the quiz! Submit your answers, and, if you are the lucky winner, you could get a free subscription to ACE!

1. 2001 will be a long season for Kentucky if

a. the Cats don't take two out of their first three

b. the offensive line suffers substantial injuries

c. the team continues to be the most penalized in the SEC

d. all of the above

e. any of the above

2. 2001 will be a great season (bowl appearance) for Kentucky if

a. the Cats win four home games

b. the defense can finish ranked in the top nine in the conference

c. the running game can get going (which is contingent, largely, upon 'b' above)

d. all of the above

e. any of the above

3. When was the last time UK beat Florida?

a. 1986

b. 1978

c. 1982

d. Never (or at least it seems that way)

e. 1917

4. When was the last time UK beat Ball State?

a. 1949

b. Never (seriously)

c. 1991

d. 1933

e. 1975

5. Jared Lorenzen has made the preseason watch list for the Davey O'Brien National Quarterback Award. Three other SEC QBs made the 30-player list too, and the Cats face them all. Who are they? (Hint: UK plays each of these guys at home this year.)

a. Rohan Davey, LSU; Casey Clausen, Florida; Rex Grossman, Tennessee

b. Rohan Davey, LSU; Casey Clausen, Tennessee; Rex Grossman, Florida

c. Rohan Davey, Tennessee; Casey Clausen, Florida; Rex Grossman, LSU

d. Wayne Madkin, Mississippi St.; Greg Zolman, Vanderbilt; Eli Manning, Mississippi

6. According to weights listed in Kentucky's spring football roster, put these Wildcats in correct order from heftiest to lightest - Jared Lorenzen, Quarterback; Matt Brown, Offensive Line; Josh Parrish, Offensive Line; Dewayne Robertson, Defensive Line:

a. Brown, Robertson, Lorenzen, Parrish

b. Lorenzen, Brown, Parrish, Robertson

c. Parrish, Robertson, Brown, Lorenzen

d. Robertson, Lorenzen, Parrish, Brown

7. The primary difference in this year's preseason practices as opposed to last year's is:

a. Ex-recruiting coordinator Claude Bassett is not riding around in a golf cart and signing money orders

b. Ex-recruiting coordinator Claude Bassett is not riding around in a golf cart and writing papers for players

c. Ex-recruiting coordinator Claude Bassett is not riding around in a golf cart and forging the signature of the dean of UK's medical school

d. Ex-recruiting coordinator Claude Bassett is not riding around in a golf cart and doling out answers to take-home exams

e. Football players are allowed to tackle other football players

8. Coach Morriss : Coach Mumme as

a. peanut butter : jelly

b. ice : water

c. fire : asbestos

d. antidisestablishmentarianism : any other big word made up mostly of prefixes and suffixes

e. a and b

f. b and d

g. none of the above

9. Tennessee vs. Kentucky resulted in the following scores for the following years:

1996, 56-10; 1997, 59-31; 1998, 59-21; 1999, 56-21; 2000, 59-20. If the average of Tennessee's scores equals the length one leg of a right triangle and the average of Kentucky's scores equals the length of the other leg of the right triangle, what is the length of the hypotenuse of the triangle? (Hint: Use the Pythagorean theorem and a calculator or abacus.)

a. 61.361

b. 41.245

c. 57.893

d. 20.677

10. Kentucky has played Louisville for its opening game each year since 1994. (Louisville, however, is selling out this year and playing New Mexico State 10 days before it faces Kentucky.) The Cats are 4-7 against the Cards during this stretch, with those losses predominantly due to the fact that:

a. Louisville cheats

b. Louisville is ugly (and, consequently, scary)

c. Kentucky executed inadequately on special teams

d. Kentucky feels sorry for Louisville


1 e; 2 d; 3 a or d; 4 b; 5 b; 6 c; 7 e; 8 e; 9 a; 10 c

Your score _____.

9-10: Academic All-SEC

7-8: Honor Roll

5-6: Eligible

3-4: Benched

1-2: Probation

0: Better See Claude Bassett for Academic Advising


Skating Nirvana

If you're a skateboard enthusiast then you better have a seat before you read any further. This Tuesday, August 28th, from 4-5:30 pm at Woodland Skate Park you have the opportunity to be dazzled by the wacky skateboarding exhibition of the Foundation Team, a group of world-class professional and amateur skateboarders. You have a chance to chill in the park with pros and possibly win free, yes, free giveaways. The event is free and will take place regardless of rain or sunshine. If you still need more information, take a minute to calm down and steady your dialing finger. Then pick up the phone and call The Void at 231-8643 or the Division of Parks and Recreation at 288-2955.

-Joshu Goebeler

Bigger is Better

Lexington has won the great honor of being the largest city in Kentucky, according to the latest census data. Although Lexington is ahead by 4,281 people, Louisville has plans to get back on top by merging with Jefferson County in 2003 to create a new super city that will be over twice the size of Lexington. Apparently the fear of having the title of "biggest" usurped by Lexington was a contributing factor for Louisville's decision to merge with Jefferson County.

Although there are no real benefits to being the largest city in Kentucky, Mayor Pam Miller points out that, 'It's fun to be the largest for 20 months, we may get some benefits out of it. For example, USA TODAY gives the weather in the state's largest city, so when we're out of town, we might be able to find what the weather's like at home.'' While loosing the title of "biggest" has seemed to be an emasculating ordeal for Louisville, Lexington residents have not yet allowed the title to go to their heads.

Louisville mayor, Dave Armstrong, had voiced the campaign tough talk that; ''there's no way Louisville will become the second city in Kentucky on my watch.'' Some local Louisvillians argue that it is not the size of the city as much as what you do with it that is most important. -JG

The Rotten Apple

Ace contributed a photo to the August 19th edition of the New York Times, featuring Larry Brown and Alejandro Escovedo (whose spring visit to the bluegrass was sponsored by Ace). To see more pictures of the event, go to

Alejandro's upcoming September 21st show at Lynagh's has been indefinitely postponed.