Dearest Editor: Please tell me that you are not going to allow the letters section to become a forum for every crazed (Frock it!, Matthew V. Haltom, Sep 22) religionist lunatic to argue the merits of his/her one true religion. Fantasy certainly has a place in ACE and unquestionably can have a positive influence on our collective mental health, notwithstanding the occasional foray into actualization.
But history teaches that when the subject turns to the superiority of one version of divine revelation over another, it quite frequently leads to bloodshed, or at least extreme annoyance and lowered libido (except in the case of quasicelibate child abusers). Please, please, lets just not go there.
P.S. You should know that God personally told me to write this letter, so you MUST print it. Also, in an aside, He informed me that his Boy has come to prefer the Spanish pronunciation of His name, and that in the mansion and on the streets of gold, that is the usage that everyone has adopted. You might want to let your readers know this so they can know (NOT in the Biblical sense of the word) how to correctly end those prayers on behalf of the Wildcats.
To the Editor: Its been a bad couple of weeks. But here are some words of encouragement for your readers from Michael Moore:
Enough of the handwringing! Enough of the doomsaying! Do I have to come there and personally calm you down? Stop with all the defeatism, OK? Bush IS a gonerIF we all just quit our whining and bellyaching and stop shaking like a bunch of nervous ninnies. Geez, this is embarrassing! The Republicans are laughing at us. Do you ever see them cry, Oh, its all over! We are finished! Bush cant win! Waaaaaa! Hell no. Its never over for them until the last ballot is shredded. They are never finishedthey just keeping moving forward like sharks that never sleep, always pushing, pulling, kicking, blocking, lying.
They are relentless and that is why we secretly admire themthey just simply never, ever give up. Only 30% of the country calls itself Republican, yet the Republicans own it allthe White House, both houses of Congress, the Supreme Court and the majority of the governorships. How do you think theyve been able to pull that off considering they are a minority? Its because they eat you and me for breakfast and then spend the rest of the day wreaking havoc on the planet.
Look at uswhat a bunch of crybabies. Bush gets a bounce after his convention and you would have thought the Germans had run through Poland again. Suddenly its like, THE END IS NEAR! THE SKY IS FALLING!
No, it is not. If I hear one more person tell me how lousy a candidate Kerry is and how he cant win...Dammit, of COURSE hes a lousy candidatehes a Democrat, for heavens sake! That party is so pathetic, they even lose the elections they win! What were you expecting, Bruce Springsteen heading up the ticket? Bruce would make a helluva president, but guys like him dont runand neither do you or I. People like Kerry run. So quit complaining and work with what we have. Oprah just gave 300 women a
.Pontiac! Did you see any of them frowning and moaning and screaming, Oh God, NOT a friggin Pontiac! Of course not, they were happy. The Pontiacs all had four wheels, an engine and a gas pedal. You want more than that, well, I cant help you. I had a Pontiac once and it lasted a good year. And it was a VERY good year. Traveling around the country, as Ive been doing, I gotta tell ya, there is a hell of a lot of unrest out there. Much of it is not being captured by the mainstream press. But it is simmering and it is real. Do not let those well-produced Bush rallies of angry white people scare you. Turn off the TV! (Except Jon Stewart and Bill Moyerseverything else is just a sugar-coated lie).
Regardless of what Kerry meant by his original war vote, he aint the one who sent those kids to their deaths.
So, do not despair. All is not over. Far from it. The Bush people need you to believe that it is over. They need you to slump back into your easy chair and feel that sick pain in your gut as you contemplate another four years of George W. Bush. Its like Karl Rove is hypnotizing you
No sense in fighting now
what I need is sleep
Not another negative word until Nov. 3rd! Then you can bitch all you want about how you wish Kerry was still that long-haired kid who once had the courage to stand up for something. Personally, I think that kid is still inside him. Instead of the wailing and gnashing of your teeth, why not hold out a hand to him and help the inner soldier/protester come out and defeat the forces of evil we now so desperately face. Do we have any other choice?
Pray for Peace
Bill OReilly is scheduled to appear on The Daily Show on Thursday, October 7th. In a recent airing of the OReilly Factor, OReilly told Daily Show host Jon Stewart, You know whats really frightening? You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary, but its true. Youve got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night and they can vote.
Nielsen Media Research countered that, in fact, viewers of Stewarts The Daily Show are better educated than OReilly watchers and Daily Show viewers are more likely than OReillys to have completed four years of college.
Stewarts good-natured response to OReilly was, This election is going to rely on the undecided. And who is more undecided than stoned slackers? Ice cream or pretzels? Ice cream or pretzels? Whats it going to be?
Keeneland opens Friday, October 8th. Motorists on Versailles Road and the nearby part of Man O War Blvd. can expect heavy traffic beginning from noon until about 2pm, then again from 5pm - 6:30pm Police will institute traffic controls and direct traffic at that time.
Lexington Police will check child car seats to see if they are installed correctly from 10am to 1pm on Saturday, October 9, at the Cardinal Valley Center, 1916 Oxford Circle.
LexTran will release the findings of a study it conducted to find the needs of the bus-riding public Tuesday, October 12th.
Also, a property tax proposal will be on the November ballot, which would benefit LexTran. The proposal is $.06 per $100 of valued property assessments.
A TV ad campaign will begin prior to the election.
With the special session under way, the General Assembly's expected to spend at least two contentious weeks in Frankfort hashing it out with the Governor on health care and education, while demonstrating teachers protest and make for lively evening news.
Meanwhile, the Attorney General is investigating the role of administration officials who may have possible conflicts of interest related to the three providers (CHA Health, United Health Care and Bluegrass Family Health) who won contracts to insure state employees.
Rising health care costs and the escalating numbers of the uninsured are expected to play a role in the upcoming presidential electionbut probably not as big as the role occupied by the same-sex marriage debate. (For the record, neither candidate proposes that same sex marriage/civil unions be mandated for all Americans. Maybe that'll clear things up a little.)
Lexington's cops and firefighters may continue to go elsewhere for better gigs, but the health department is hiring two additional enforcement officers who'll issue citations to restaurants and bars that are allowing their patrons to smoke. They will work part-time, evenings.
To submit an advocacy/activism activity or event for Quickies, email firstname.lastname@example.org, or email@example.com.