Chew on This

I'd love to have a cook because I'm very interested in eating but not in cooking. And I don't like to eat in restaurants where the general public is so often to be found. I would really prefer to eat at home, except there's no food there.

-Fran Leibowitz

"Five months after I moved into my place the air conditioner was clogged with mashed potatoes." That was Rob Bricken's confession after inspecting the spotless environs of Tony and Ellen Cortez (of the Homestead) - who insisted they'd only moved in a few months ago.

For our sequel to the "Fridges of Fayette County," we sent Bricken out to interview local chefs in their natural habitats.

As for the selection process? Simple. We picked a sampling we knew could really cook.

Although we mostly hoped for an entertaining look inside their fridges, we actually got some insightful commentary about what's right and wrong with the food industry these days.

Chef Ouita Michel, for example, goes on an impassioned, articulate rant about a particular chain: "Their architecture ruins the landscape, their stores dominate the market. They have money for ads that brainwash the community. Their food comes from outside, and the money goes out, while many small restaurants have to declare bankruptcy."

We couldn't have put that better ourselves.

Still, as much as we all want to support local restaurants, and discourage the monolithic spread of chains like a culinary cancer across the bluegrass - well, there are times when the mom and pop shops in this town don't exactly make it easy. (We're not naming names or pointing fingers, just observing some trends.)

For example, why are some local restaurants (ones that serve real food, not burger-matics) using cueball tomatoes, shipped here from God-knows-where, at this time of year?

This is where the rubber meets the road as consumers. Don't stand for it.

Local growers, locally-owned restaurants - there should be a logical synergy here. It's good business, and it's good eatin'.

As Michel says of chain-fare, "their food isn't cooked, it's shipped."

She's right.

And why should patrons go out of their way to support locally-owned restaurants, if the restaurants support local growers? If they're serving processed chain-worthy produce that's sat on a truck for days?

And how many local restaurants could give the Soup Nazi a run for his money on the surly factor? How many places have we seen close when the food was good, but the service was excruciating (not factoring in all those defunct establishments where the "profits" went up the owners' noses-which is a separate story)?

We went to our favorite local spot the other night (right after work); everyone in the group had to be somewhere at 7, making us short on time.

The waitress finally showed up, not knowing the soup of the day, or the specials.

We sent her back for both. One member of our party made the mistake of asking the price on the special - necessitating another trip to the kitchen.

When we mentioned, politely, that we were in a bit of a hurry, the "apology" was "well, we just opened."

"Just opened" really shouldn't be synonymous with "just woke up."

If the doors are open, diners may get the misguided impression that they can go in, and people will bring them food.

We made these observations at the table, whereupon she probably spit in our cosmopolitans.

GREAT restaurant, GREAT location. The food is almost always sterling, if inappropriately priced. Three nights later, the service was impeccable. But a first-time diner wouldn't have gone back.

Other irritating trends: at three separate restaurants (Thai, deli, and French) last week, we had to pay at the counter. Settle down, no one's channeling Marie Antoinette here; there's admittedly nothing unduly emotionally or physically distressing about that hike to the cash register. But we weren't paying McDonald's prices, and far more annoyingly, we weren't told of this (new) policy - so we wasted about 15 minutes (the servers having spontaneously retired mid-shift) waiting on our checks before we finally lassoed a manager who waved us to the counter (where we eventually found our checks).

And don't even get us started on the proliferation of plastic childproof Pizza Hut style tumblers which are being passed off as acceptable beverage vessels in dozens of restaurants all over town. Even Applebee's provides you with a glass.

The dumbing down of the American palate is a national embarrassment. Our collective obesity is disgusting. We could all eat better and live better. There are times when no amount of Les Nips du Fromage will satiate.

Times like that call for professionals.

It's refreshing to meet a few of them in this issue who take that responsibility seriously.