BY GREG HUBBS
What’s certain is that over-21 voters might need a little something to get through the night, no matter if you’re toasting the winner, drowning your sorrows, or raising a glass in glee that the whole mess is finally over.
So, here’s a cocktail that not only blends a little taste of Kentucky, but also gets better as the night goes on. It’s a riff on a traditional Old Fashioned that you can make as soon as the polls close, but will taste even sweeter just before you fall asleep on the sofa. Just remember to buy ahead of time as alcohol sales are prohibited in Kentucky while the polls are open.
The Old Fashioned Election Night
Kentucky bourbon (Settle for no substitute. Just because they make bourbon in Brooklyn doesn’t mean they should).
Orange Liqueur (Buy the expensive stuff. It’s worth it).
Cola (You know you have a brand preference, use that).
Maraschino cherries (stems removed)
Slice the fruit and place it in the bottom of your pitcher. Work out your irritation with campaign ads by muddling the fruit with a small splash of the cola. It’ll help break the fruit down a little further and bring out the caramel flavors in the bourbon later. (Once it’s good and smashed, reserve and set aside a few portions of fruit.)
Add ice and fill your pitcher just shy of halfway with bourbon. Add the ginger ale to get you to almost two thirds of the way full. Then, top off the pitcher with the orange liqueur and a few dashes of bitters to taste. Give it all a stir and pour into rocks glasses with ice and a spoonful of the reserved muddled fruit. Now, you’ve got a drink that keeps on giving as the fruit continues to infuse the drink all night, guaranteeing you a sweet finish, no matter who wins the election.
Every time an anchor or pundit calls this the “Social Media Election,” tweet or facebook or pin or tumblr or Google Plus or instagram a photo of your Election Night Celebration and tag @aceweekly for an upcoming e-dition.
So, you’re over 21, and you’ve responsibly designated a sober driver (or you’re staying in for the evening), and you want to make a game of it? You want to drink like the fate of the free world hangs in the balance?
Take a sip every time:
- a fancy network Election 2012 visual does not work. (CNN counts as a network for the purposes of this game. FoxNews? You decide.)
- “Hurricane Sandy,” “The Perfect Storm,” or the “Superstorm” is referred to as The October Surprise.
- a pundit says “binders” “P90x” or “malarkey.”
Top off your drink any time:
- a broadcaster says, “now it’s really all down to Ohio.”
- Ohio goes to your candidate of choice.
Finish your drink if:
- Ohio goes opposite your candidate of choice.
- a state is called for one candidate, then changes to the other.
- your state actually becomes a bouncy ball bobbing on a network’s touchscreen.
- Magic Underwear is mentioned.
- Chris Matthews’ head explodes.
Add a piece of fruit to your drink every time Same Sex Marriage, Gay Marriage or Marriage Equality is referenced by a network anchor. At midnight, eat the fruit salad (if any) you have assembled. It will fight scurvy.
Have a cup of strong black coffee if any newscaster says “There’s Karl Rove!”