Rich Brooks Thinks Your Car is Bulls$%*

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by Kevin Faris

The great college football website Everyday Should Be Saturday started something a few years ago with UK football coach Rich Brooks. Basically, Rich Brooks thinks everything is bulls$&% (self-censored for the family audience that Ace Weekly attracts… and also because my day job as a public school teacher limits my ability to curse in public forums).

Anyway, now Coach Brooks is taking the next step. He’s not just pointing out what is and what is not bulls$&# (short answer: everything), he is helping to fix the problem.

Paul Miller Ford is now offering the Rich Brooks Edition Ford F150. It became available on 1/23/09 to commemorate UK’s 1-2-3 bowl wins in a row. I wish I could put into words how awesome this truck is, but I will leave that to the poets, perhaps Wednesday night at Al’s Bar at the Holler Poetry Series hosted by Eric Sutherland (SYNERGY!!! Jack Donaghy would be so proud).

I guess I should stop being surprised with how overboard UK fans go when the football team has success. I cannot be the only person who remembers “Hall Mumme Pass”. Or remember when CM Newton did so much for the football program that we named the field after him? You probably don’t because he didn’t do anything, unless you count turning the other way as Mumme and crew lie, cheated, and stole their way to another UK football probation.

Anyway, the point is we are so unused to football success that when it happens, we tend to go a little overboard. I love Brooks and his staff. As the clock wound down on the Liberty Bowl victory, my friends and I talked about the fact that UK has had three straight winning seasons and three straight bowl wins for the first time in history. This is the longest sustained period of success ever. That is pretty impressive and the foundation is being built for that success to continue. The next recruiting class is ranked high, the next head coach is already on staff, and our biggest in state rival for the Class of the Commonwealth is looking less and less relevant. The only problem? Where do we go from here to honor Coach Brooks?

What if UK wins the SEC East? or the SEC? or…..I’m going to stop there because my heart beat just sped up a little too much. If Brooks already has a bad a$$ F150, what is the next step?
Some ideas:

  1. Over .500 in the SEC : Rename the field. My distaste for Cash Money Newton is a whole different blog post.
  2. Beat Tennessee : I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, hate Tennessee. I vote that every baby boy born on that day be named “Rich Brooks (last name)”
  3. Wins SEC East : Rename the airport. Official motto: “Driving your car over three hours is bulls&#*.”
  4. Win the SEC : Mayor Rich Brooks. Wouldn’t it be nice to have strong leadership in the mayor’s office? Someone who lays a solid foundation with an eye to the future? Someone who can relate to young people and recognize their needs? Official motto: “Tearing down historic buildings for a big empty lot and building a hotel that no one wants or needs is bulls#*!”
  5. Win a National Title : Governor Rich Brooks. For life. The only people who would disagree would be Louisville football fans, but those four people would just have to get over it.

Although it doesn’t fit in the Faris Family Budget, hopefully, next fall at Commonwealth, I will see a few Rich Brooks F-150s rolling through the parking lot. And, if it is OK with the owners, I would like to hang out in the truck bed for awhile and absorb a little of his awesomeness.



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